Needs sleep

I'm beginning to think being angry is all I know how to do. It's become so second nature to me. I know I don't have anyone else to blame but myself but I keep hoping to find one. I want a reason why I am stuck working a job I hate with people who are lazy. I keep searching for someone or something to hold accountable for all of the anger, sadness and disappointment I keep coming across. I wish I could cash in any good karma points I have and make something happen but apparently it doesn't work that way. I used to be one to believe in hardworking will pay off but maybe I'm a fool to have thought that. Or is it possible (probably) that all these years I've thought I was working hard I really wasn't working hard at all? Maybe all along I've actually been this lazy selfish person. Either way I've lost or quickly losing in hope that good karma pays off. For the past few years I've been empty. I've been alone. Sure I have great friends and amazing people in my life but there's something missing. It's me. I've been talking to and trying to guide my friends as best as I could but I think the end is coming about. I don't think I can continue doing it. They say practice what you preach and I know I can't so I should stop preaching. I think the bottom line is I feel pointless. Living without a purpose isn't really living at all. So why waste the space.